I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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