I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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