Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
