You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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