he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
