State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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