We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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