Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
