That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
