You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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