I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
