Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
