Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The power of my boobs compel you
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
