ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
