You don't have asthma, your pregnant
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
