Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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