I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
