i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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