The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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