You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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