singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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