My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Randomize
