Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
