You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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