I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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