I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
