Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
