when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
