I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
