Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
