Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
where does the pee come out of this thing
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
