I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
