Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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