Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
