I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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