The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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