awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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