So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
