You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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