so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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