I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
