I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
