I got chris browned last night
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
