Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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