Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
