Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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