Swine flu. Run for my life!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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