And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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