We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
