He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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