The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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