Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
