i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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