I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
