My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
