apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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