If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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