I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
