I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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