Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
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