But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
