Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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