maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
