You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
