wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize