just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
