You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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