this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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